Saturday, December 4
i only say this about once a year.. at christmas.. and since it's the end of our school days together, i'll make this about 10 times as long, for the 10 years we've known each other. i hope you've got something to munch, cos this might take a long time.
jeanstalk.. i remember you as a seven-year-old.. round face, short hair, rather quiet. you came to my p1 birthday party and spent the entire party playing with my toy dishwasher. i was a little jealous cos my mum put water in it for you, something she always refused to do for me. i've still got a picture of that party tucked away somewhere.. we smiled a little at each other in the corridors in the years that followed although we were more of aquaintances than friends. and prom noon.. i didn't know til later when you told me.. how you looked at me on stage and wished that i would smile. but i never smile on stage.
well then we both came to st. marg's. i remember walking through the gate, frightened stiff. the old girls were so confident, so sure of themselves, calling to their friends. i was alone. we shuffled into the parade ground where mrs lee proceeded to lecture us about our lines. i was so relieved to see a familiar face in the line.. you were with jan and gen, and when i joined you we became the foursome that's remained through the years. we didn't really get along at first.. guess we were both too strong in personality. well you're still good at getting things done but i'm more content to be led now. we ate prata a lot before the prata woman changed. running downstairs everyday for recess.. yes, running.. we've lost a lot of sheer energy i notice.. jostling to queue for food.. we've run together for 4 years during napfa. and every year when we reach the end you start to sprint and i scream blue murder. remember when you became a prefect? suddenly there was this empty gap in my life, every morning from 645 to 715. it was horrible. no homework to copy.. no one to talk to.. i had to make new friends. then somewhere around march this year you started coming into class again and it was so weird i couldn't get used to it. well there wasn't much of a difference really since we all slept before school. we used to say we'd never become like that huh when we were in lower sec. we never thought we'd become like our triple science seniors, so exhausted every day that they all slumped on the tables before school. but we did. i guess there are a lot of memories that i can't even write down in words. they're there at the back of my mind, a blur of images and feelings.
remember when we watched the macbeth play with the school? that was the first time we dressed up for a school event. i remember before the play we were planning how to explain my chinese results to my mum. seems to me that we're always doing that huh. trying to explain my chinese results. well at least before she realised that i really am monolingual. remember in lower sec she'd call you to ask whether or not the chinese test was hard? and you would very obligingly convince her that it was extremely difficult indeed. was it because you heard the sobs in my voice when i called? and the only time we ever fought.. it was because of my chinese results.
and this year.. for both prelim and o's practs.. we'd come early.. eat breakfast.. study a little.. while i diffused all over the classroom.. remember getting caught in the rain just before chem pract? we were soaked through and through.. remember how we took off everything we had and wore just jackets to dry our uniforms? remember all the times we ate at prince? remember when i went to work last year? you lent me that nice skirt. remember watching shrek this year? that was funfunfun. thanks for all the memories. you've always been there for me when i've needed you.. even though i do strange things and never stop crapping. you held my hand when we were walking through those corridors of cockroaches.. you didn't let me turn around and run away, the way i've been running away from my fears my whole life. remember 19th nov? you pushed me into the pool. and splashed water all over me. remember the tanning that wasn't really tanning? you pushed me in - again. remember that time we went out after lit? i really need to thank you once again for not stopping me when i suddenly turned and ran away. sometimes i need to do something to understand why i did it. and now i do understand it.. and i thank you for being there, for running with me, for holding my hand when i thought i was going to shatter.
thanks for letting me play with trouser. the love of my life. even though now he's a little older and stinkier and doesn't love me anymore. kiss him for me everyday, all right? thanks for hearing me out these past few months. it must have been horribly annoying for you to have to put up with my crazed ravings. and songs. you really are a tolerant person you know. i know i can never stop talking. and i dramaticise everything that happens. well, thanks. thanks for that horse last year, and for that barbie. i still play with her sometimes.. comb her hair, arrange her clothes, tell her she's beautiful.. yupp.
you know, you
can write. i mean, come on, you do score for essays. maybe your style's different from mine, but that doesn't mean i write any better than you. don't put yourself down. you're so great, scoring at everything, why're you so hard on yourself? you're pretty and skinny, why don't you believe us? and i mean hey you got 5 lines for your testimonial okay.. i only got 3. you'll make a wonderful over-achiever..
it's been a rather rock-strewn road thus far huh. animosity from the level every year. a whole lotta rubbish. but you've helped make it easier for me. did you know your number's on speed dial on my phone? that's cos whenever i run into some sort of trouble you're one of the first people i call. thanks for picking up even at strange hours. thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder, thanks for letting me bawl my eyes out and curse everything and everyone. thanks for slapping me back to reality occassionally. and thanks for being you. you're one of the truest, one of the sweetest and one of the best friends i've ever had these 16 years. and i really want to say.. i'm going to miss you.. please go to nj so we can meet for lunch at least once a week. and if you do go to usa after this.. don't forget us. don't forget me. =) you'll always be more than just a face in my yearbook, more than a name on my contact list. you've left footprints on my heart. =) i love you!!
your song: wish, by sens. your wedding song, my funeral song.
it must've been love.
9:55 pm
xoxo
